WHAT IS LIFE COACHING?

Introduction

As a human race we often question - Why am I here? What do I want? How can I get more of it? What is important to me? What gets in my way? Where do I want to go? How would you feel if your life were just exactly the way you wanted it to be? We believe that each of us has the wisdom and power within us to make our life be what we want it to be. We seem to have more time for recreation, and for reflection on our lives, attempting to design those lives to fit our own requirements. Life coaching is part of life's "self development toolbox".

Every choice we make affects every other aspect of our lives: work, relationships and spirituality. A coaching relationship as an alliance, a partnership, a process of inquiry that empowers clients to reconnect with their own inner wisdom, to find their own answers, to rediscover those powerful moments of choice out of which lasting change grows. Life Coaching can help with all aspects of your life: Family, career, finances, relationships, living environment, health and spirituality. -

The Basics of 'What Life Coaching is'

Curly Martin in her book 'The Life Coaching Handbook' defines Life Coaching as "a career and an ethical profession. The life coach uses the power of commitment to enable their clients to achieve beneficial and measurable results in all areas of their lives. Life coaching is a holistic process that has the power to balance and harmonise life." (p.3)

The International Coach Federation says: "Coaching is an ongoing partnership that helps clients produce fulfilling results in their personal and professional lives. Through the process of coaching, clients deepen their learning, improve their performance and enhance their quality of life."

A Life Coach usually works with a client over the phone, to partner with you in identifying what you want, finding your innermost values and goals, encouraging you to take action, and helping you achieve success. Success at its foundation, means being your best, most authentic self, living with integrity, doing work/activities that you love, health, financial freedom, happiness and loving relationships.

With the coach's help, the client explores the terrain, which includes both the external world - of buildings, people, cars, money, etc. – and the client's internal world, from where beliefs, fears, self-image and emotion exert their powerful, and often negative, influences. Through coached exploration of their terrain, the client finds both familiar and unfamiliar landmarks. Some will be obstacles – others will be sources of strength and joy. As coaching proceeds, the client becomes increasingly familiar with the terrain and develops clarity on how he or she wants to change it and where they want to be within it. Movement to that new and better place is encouraged and supported by the coach. Coaching is a practical tool for personal exploration and development. A coach can unlock and release the potential within clients, to bring about major positive improvements in their lives.

Unlike therapy or counselling, coaching is primarily present-oriented, dealing with what is happening now in the immediate future. It does not reflect on the client's past to unravel complex elements within the psyche. Unlike counselling, coaching is for those who are moving forward from a reasonably stable base. So it is not appropriate, for example, for the mentally ill, or those in crisis, or with drug problems, crippling financial hardship, or a history of abuse. Life Coaching is not about deep self-analysis or regressing to childhood events. It is forward-looking - focused in the present and the future. Dealing with the whole-person performance, focusing on an aspect of the person's life, but they'll comprehend the whole person's performance within that area. Coaches help the client to find their own way; they do not give directions. It is practical and down-to-earth, looking at concrete ways to make real progress in the world.

The TGROW Model as an example of 'Why Coaching Works'

The "TGROW" model is a mnemonic that defines a framework for analysis and used by Life Coaches as the key to unlock the doors to their client. The GROW model of coaching, is entirely generic. It is a process, which can be applied to almost any human aspiration.

T is for TOPIC – and is the general problem-space that the client wants to explore via coaching - social life, career, or quitting a habit.

G is for GOAL; the client is encouraged to turn a problem statement into a positive desired outcome, then to embody this into a goal.

R is for REALITY. The client is encouraged to explore the problem space (defined by the TOPIC and the GOAL) and other aspects of their life to gain a fact-based and current understanding of how things really are.

O is for OPTIONS. The client finds a set of actions that are available to them, which might move them closer to their goal.

W is for WILL. From the list of options, the client selects those that they will commit to doing.

The external perspective a life coach offers should be devoid of pre-conceptions, accepted norms and limitations –delivering an insightful, clear-thinking analysis that would be impossible to gain from within the situation. By operating the TGROW model, they have a detached perspective: building rapport, comprehensive listening, asking powerful questions, finding and dealing with limiting beliefs and values, finding smart goals and motivating clients.

Life coaching embodies an underlying rule, DON'T give clients advice and place yourself in a position of assumed superiority that often builds resistance and resentment. It is important to grow the client's self-esteem; helping them to find their own answers. If you grow within the client the ability to find his or her own ways forward, you're building a better client.

Becoming an Effective Life Coach 'The Core Skills'

Rapport between the client and their coach. Clients will relax out of their public persona, feeling able to discuss their inner thoughts, weaknesses and vulnerabilities. The coach must hold genuine respect and good wishes for their client, through demonstrating excellent listening skills; that they are honest yet non-judgemental; and appropriately positive. Humour often has a role to play in building and maintaining rapport. Another rapport-building tool is to echo the conversational style of the client in your own speech. Maintaining a professional distance is essential to remaining balanced and objective. Clients should be encouraged to remain emotionally composed during coaching sessions. Trust between client and coach, maintaining their confidentiality and Honesty is essential to any coaching relationship.

Listening Skills. Effective coaching is intimately tied in with first class listening. The client should be speaking (and coach listening) 70% of the time. Listening is a challenging skill to master, in its many complexities. It's important that the coach remains alert and focussed on the session, taking notes - they are actively analysing and understanding the workings of another mind, through the medium of speech. To keep rapport, and maintain the flow of thoughts, a good coach will practice "active listening" demonstrating attention and approval to the speaker. Approaching a coaching session with a clear mind and a positive mental attitude makes the best use of this verbal flow. If what the client is saying is ambiguous or otherwise unclear - it's important to ask for clarification but resist any temptation to pull the client in a desired direction. The goal is to verify meaning, not to influence it but digging beneath the surface of what is said by relating it to what they know. The final part of listening it to let the client know that you have understood, by paraphrasing and summarising. Other tools include - Using silence it may evidence deep thinking in the client or they may indicate bewilderment, fatigue, emotional resonances. A coach considers when best to let these develop, rather than squashing them with noise. Listen for how the client says something as the intonation of what they say conveys additional information. Effective listening is a huge part of effective coaching, and a coach will listen with their whole, open, positive mind. What they learn from their listening is the raw material on which the coaching is largely based.

Questioning skills – Going hand in hand with listening, the key is to ask powerful questions. Questions unlock awareness in the client. Clients can be uncomfortable with being questioned or concerned about not giving "the right answers". Clients should have the coaching process – and the role of questioning within it – explained to them early on, reassurances there are no wrong answers - and a friendly, supportive rapport should be developed to overcome any remaining anxiety. Coaches should be very sensitive in their use of language and its effect on rapport. Coaching questions are keys for unlocking clients' minds, unlike everyday questions that tend to be linguistic transactions in which the questioner solicits information from the respondent for the questioner's benefit. Good coaching questions are "open" – which is to say that they do not invite a yes/no response, but instead - invite a more extensive response. These are the who/what/where/when/why questions. Leading questions have NO place in the coach's questioning toolbox. Some of the most powerful questions are those that challenge the accepted beliefs in not seeing what surrounds us in our lives. In coaching, those pandemic elements in a client's mind are beliefs about the world and themselves.

A coach is concerned with finding and exploring beliefs that do not serve the client well "self-limiting beliefs", usually acquired in childhood – through socialisation.

There is a related class of questions, "empowering questions". These invite the client to examine their believed limitations, which hitherto have prevented progress. Externalising these beliefs enables the client to see them for what they are, to step over them, and into breakthrough. "Specifying questions" invite the client to move away from the general to the specific with a view to gaining clarity on an issue. "Insightful questions" invite the client to deliver their insights about a situation, sometimes delivering the biggest movement "What do you really want?" "What does it mean to be successful?" These can engage the client with a powerful resonance.

Encouragement and positivity are important ways to keep clients motivated and moving in productive ways. The coach should be a source of positive energy for the client, finding the positives in any situation, without becoming a necessary crutch. But above all they should be honest, never bringing their own personal mood to the session. Non-judgemental coaches won't judge the values or beliefs of their clients, which may differ from their own. Encouraging responsibility, Clients should be encouraged to recognise their role in determining what happens to them, moving from victim thinking and problem stating to controller thinking and solution stating. Clients should be coaxed out of their comfort zone into places where real growth can occur, to extend themselves to fit their potential. Maintaining momentum is important both within individual sessions and within the ongoing coaching schedule. The life coach wants to provide the client with a positive experience from each session, but they also want to promote real progress. Confidentiality is key, to all these styles of questions, only then will they feel able to be completely open and honest about the things to step outside of their environment.

Coaching Applications and Coaching Styles

Coaching applications divide into two broad categories: corporate and personal life coaching. Corporate coaching happens when employers use coaches to improve the effectiveness of their employees. Specific applications within the corporate environment abound: personal productivity, personal relationships, grooming.

Personal coaching covers everything that isn't corporate coaching, every aspect of human existence. Very commonly, coaching is used to help clients to change the path of their working lives; Health lifestyle, Relationship management, Fulfilment of personal dreams and Personal growth.

Some elements of coaching style will be intrinsic to the coach and their personal make-up. Other elements will be embedded in the coach through training and personal experience. Coaching styles are often analysed with reference to a push/pull spectrum. The PUSH style, the coach solves problems and edicts solutions, the PULL style, the coach provides support but not answers nor suggestions for a client – enabling them to solve their own problem. The Coaching Academy is a firm advocate of the pull style. The coach should be a neutral conduit – a blank sheet of paper - providing no content of their own, simply facilitating the clear thinking of the clients, to encourage growth inside our clients, from which life changes can flow.

Imposed solutions don't always embed well; they can generate defensive behaviours, sabotaging behaviours, and resentments; they may not maximise client drive, and they may damage the client's self-esteem.

Each coach will include a different kit of coaching elements. Some coaches' work purely through conversation during coaching sessions. Others will prescribe exercises or suggest books to read. Some coaches will stick rigidly to the TGROW model, closing each session with a clean list of tasks to be accomplished for next time, whilst others will adopt an informal conversational style and don't prescribe "homework".

It's important to remember that any coaching process must operate via a personal relationship, between the client and the coach. Humans are diverse in their personalities, abilities, beliefs, preferences and values. So maintaining a coaching style that strengthens the coaching relationship is important and can be difficult.

The coach may also select style elements to suit the kind of coaching she is engaging in (corporate, personal, etc.), the client faced, the topic they are addressing, the point they are at, and the current condition of their rapport. That style will move over the course of a coaching relationship – and may even change within the course of a single session.

What are 'The benefits of coaching' for clients

A Positive Companion - The coach is a well-intentioned colleague. The client can draw strength and comfort from the relationship. Goal Construction & Clarification - Some clients may present problem statements, which a coach can help to turn into goals. Other clients will already have amorphous dreams where coaching can examine, analyse, and refine into tangible, well defined, realistic goals.

Action Planning & Monitoring - Coaching will allow the client to build and execute a plan that is designed to move them closer to their goal, taking many forms: maintaining motivation, developing a balanced perspective, staying upbeat, refining goals, exploring difficulties positively. Removal of Limiting Beliefs - Coaching will find, expose and explore client beliefs that do not serve them well. Removal of these beliefs will free the client to make progress towards goals. Results - The client should obtain progress in the topic coached on. Personal Growth - The client will grow personally. Their confidence, sense of power will be higher, and their understanding of the world and of themselves will be keener. They'll acquire some new skills.

Conclusion

What is life coaching?

1. Life coaching is a new profession that is different from consulting, counselling, or psychotherapy.
2. It is far more personal and broader in scope than consulting with a focus on all aspects of a person's life. Unlike counselling or psychotherapy, a coach does not deal with issues from the past or emotional problems.
3. A coach is a trained mentor and success partner who provides clients with tools and guidance to create rewarding personal and professional lives.
4. Life coaching consists of an individualized program that helps people identify and achieve their goals and dreams so that life is fulfilled and balanced.
5. Coaches create partnerships with people to help them develop a life vision and make that vision a reality.
6. Examples of areas where a person may benefit from coaching include: identifying and meeting life goals, having more energy, motivation, and balance in life, making better decisions, developing a new career path, reducing stress, improving health and well-being, and increasing productivity.

Who hires a coach?

1. People who hire a coach are well functioning. They are people from many walks of life who have one thing in common- they believe that more is possible in their lives.
2. Common goals of people who hire a coach are to achieve greater balance between personal and work life, improve effectiveness at work or in relationships, reduce stress, change careers, make a life transition, increase productivity, and reduce procrastination.

Here's what Life Coaching offers you:

1. A Life Coach, will help you discover what's really most important to you in your life.
2. Then help you design a plan to achieve those things.
3. Work with you to eliminate any obstacles or blocks that stand in your way.

There seems to be a natural flow of development in societies that we can see at work, and as we climb up Maslow's "hierarchy of needs", we move through rural and into industrialised existences we leave our preoccupation with survival behind and find time for recreation, self esteem and self actualisation. Life coaching supports these higher levels in common sense and practical ways.